New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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