i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
