Me too!
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize