he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
