there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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