But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
