I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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