You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
it was like eating out sand paper
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Randomize
