Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
