It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
