I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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