she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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