No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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