Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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