He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
