I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
