so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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