Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
