I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
