But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
