So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
