I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
