woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize