; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
