I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
