Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
