Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
