He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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