STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
