the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I need a beard to bite.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
do nipples grow back?
Randomize