I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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