i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
