he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
