dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
