I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
