Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
And then my night got REAL pukey
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
