Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
