Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize