Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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