You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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