If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
