he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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