I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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