You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
