On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i wish my penis had a tongue
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
