remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
