i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
