I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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