Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize