Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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