i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
