youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
honey bunches of taint.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
