question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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