The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You've changed since you got that strap on
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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