no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
