It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
