If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
