Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
