Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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