we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
organizing the empties. That sober.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
