I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
