i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
