Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
