just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
