My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
