dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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