dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize