Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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