idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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