I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I am naked and annoyed.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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