whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
