i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
