So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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