I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
