I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
