I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
