She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
