i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
