When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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