Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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