take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Randomize
