We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
