it wasn't lemon gatorade
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
