Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I am one with the molecules
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