Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
When are your genitals available?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
