I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
