"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
