A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
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