At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
