Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
