My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
