Do you still have your period?
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
