I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
