eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
