I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
