im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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