i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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