3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
