Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize